Hardwired to Serve

I first discovered BDSM around the age of 11. My grandfather was somewhat of a collector, and probably a kinkster in his youger years. There was a stash of Penthouse Forum and Penthouse Letters from the 1970s in the house. The topics ranged from bisexual encounters to orgies to outside sex in weird places to bondage to incest. These very taboo subjects caught my eye and I read these stories over and over, then once more. Masturbating wildly and frequently. Most 11 years old boys probably get off looking at playboy for the pictures. While I enjoyed the pictures, I needed the dialogue and background to go with them in order to be stimulated. The contents of these books stashed away in my memory was all I had for a number of years, I was too shy and awkward to explore for myself, not to mention the fact of being too young. Once I turned 18, I could get into adult bookstores and it was there that I began putting together my very expensive, secret collection, still not having the nerve to seek out another person to explore these interests, and too young to have an established job with which to afford going to a professional dominatrix. Enter the internet, the pandora's box that led me to mIRC, aol and just about every other chat out there that dealt with my interests. The web was still too slow to load lots of pictures, flash and video, but it was perfect for meeting people to cyber and perhaps meet in person. I did meet a woman in Kentucky that was about my age. We were both a little daring, and got thrown out of a peepshow at a bookstore. She was spanking my panty covered and butt plugged ass, while I grinded myself on her thigh. I guess it was a little loud. I was not really even attracted to her, she was just someone who understood and had a common interest. I didnt see her again. Hardwiring to be the way I am took place in my childhood, I vividly remember events that occured before my learning at the age of eleven that there was a whole world to be explored. At the age of four, I remember my mother giving me an OTK spanking. I dont remember for what, but I do remember getting hard, and feeling myself against my mother's leg. That was the last OTK she ever gave me, which leads me to believe that she realized the effect it was having on me. I also remember shopping for school clothes, and after I tried on several pants, my mother went to check out and took not only the new pants, but the pants I wore into the store. I thought I was going to be left behind. I must have been 6 or 7 at the time. I remember darting around the store in my underwear, hiding in clothes racks, while women in the store were laughing at me and pointing. I also remember dressing as a ghost for one halloween during and Indian summer when it was still quite hot. Under my sheet I wore only underwear because of the heat; and I had to go trick or treating scared that someone would discover I wore only briefs. Another memory is a neighborhood girl playmate pinning me beneath her and spitting on my face during a wrestling episode. And the last memory is sitting on a yard toy that squirted water up in the air. Another girl in my neighborhood took turn letting the water fill our bowels, then I remember watching her pee and expel the water through her suit. I dont know if these events stuck out and made me who I am, or merely reinforced who I already was inside. Either way, my desires are rooted deeply in me. But this is who I am, and I cannot change it. I am so lucky to have a Wife that loves me and accepts me for all my kinks and interests. I am with my perfect match and soulmate.