The commercial, although funny and good for a laugh according to most vanilla people, spoke to me on an entirely different level. You see, I had discovered D/s at a very early age and had been fascinated with it for years. I had met a lot of people along the way who were into D/s but met no one with whom I saw a real future relationship. The commercial gave me a platform in which to reach out to my wife.
I, like most other men, struggled with the idea of telling my wife about my interests. I was so afraid of being judged and potentially losing my marriage, that I was happy with a 90% relationship. The other 10% was missing. It was missing every time I had to close my eyes during sex to enjoy my private fantasies, leaving my wife uninvited and isolated. It was missing when I drifted off into day dreams, depriving my wife of conversation. The missing 10 was causing my wife to doubt that I loved her. I hurt her with my lie of omission.
One reason that I withheld the information was that I was scared of being judged. How do I come out and tell my wife that I wanted her to take the lead, dominate me, spank me, humiliate me, feminize me, put me in chastity, face sit me, bind me, make me service her strap-on, but still love and respect me as her husband? What if she tells her sister or family? What if she says I am sick and wants to leave me? The reason I withheld it was I was afraid of losing the Woman I loved.
I had put feelers out in the past, mentioned the feeldoe on one occasion. Joked about how Ralph Cifaretto on The Sopranos allowed Janice Soprano to make him a hooah (whore). Mentioned erotic movie scenes, but I guess what I really needed was to trust my wife to come out and say it, because she didn't respond to my trial balloons. We learned that we are both lacking when it comes to subtlety.
The Ikea commercial started the dialogue between us, and I spilled everything. I told her about my past, my fetishes, my kinks, my interests. Most importantly, I communicated that it all this was not about my pleasure, it was about her pleasure. I empowered her. It is only when I came clean, that I really found out how rejected she had felt when I seemed disinterested in sex. She wanted to feel needed and when she needed me the most, I was inside my own mind trying to add the element I needed to make it pleasurable.
I have spent the last three days baring my soul and we are on fire. We both sit on pins and needles all day just to get to talk more about where our lives are headed. She has always been a headstrong Woman, and had a little seed that could be sown to turn into the Exquisite Dominating Wife Mistress, she just didn't have the soil. At long last I gave her the soil for the seed, and with three days watering, she is relishing her newfound power and her new role. She is learning my heart's desires and I, hers.
I have never been this happy in all my life, someone finally understands me 100% And that someone happens to love me unconditionally. I can open up and love her and make her feel needed and wanted. Her holding a key to my chastity is nothing compared to the key that she now holds to my heart.
Humbly in service to the Queen~
3 comments:
I WANT TO TELL HER SO BAD, IT MAKES ME HURT INSIDE. I'M ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF TELLING HER, BUT I CAN'T MAKE THE WORDS COME OUT. SHE HAS A VERY DOMINATE NATURE ALL READY,BUT LIKE YOU SAID THAT 10 PERCENT IS STILL MISSING. I KNOW I'VE GOT TO TELL HER AND I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING CLOSER TO THAT DAY. I WANT TO THANK YOU AND THE OTHER GUYS THAT HAVE BLOGS AND THE ONES THAT ARE POSTING THEIR COMMENTS, IT HELPS ME AND ENCOURAGES ME. THANKS FOR LISTENING
Robert, it pains me to know of your dilemma because it is such a familiar one to me. I was very lucky that my situation has turned out like it has. Chances are that when your met your wife, her dominating demeanor was noticed by you, maybe on a subconscious level, but present in a way that you understood.
I didn't give my wife enough credit for being able to handle my past and where I wanted my future to go. All the while she felt the same way and only lacked the history and experience to know of domination and submission. Some people are out there and really don't know there is a name for what they enjoy. I am hesitant to over encourage you because if you come out to your wife based on my advice and it backfires, I would hate that I encouraged you to do it. Only you know your wife. I think a good place to start is to feel her out gradually, as Mistress Amanda suggested to me when I was talking with her about you. Perhaps your could rent a movie like Exit to Eden with Dan Akroyd and Rosie O Donnel. Watch it together and buzzle closer during a Femdom scene, tell her that you found it erotic because of the man serving the woman and focusing on her pleasure. Thr womans pleasure is going to drive this relationship. Look at the feeldoe dildo for instance. A woman might not want to fuck a man in his man-Gina but if the dildo she uses can make her come hard with an orgasm of her own, she might be more receptive.
In my relationship, I used to think my wife did not like cunnilingus because she did not ask for it. She thought I did not like it because I did not offer it. We were so timid about offending the other, a testament of our love, that we almost a pleasure that we both crave. Do something she craves, make her are that it equals pleasure. Now that Mistress Amanda knows I am submissive to her, she understands that to get eaten, she only need to snap her fingers and point to her pussy, and I will instantly be on my knees, giving her the pleasure she deserves, not just as the Dominant, but as the Wife and lover. Let her associate her pleasure with your obedience and it will be a start.
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